but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
