Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
