Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
