its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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