Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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