Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
