Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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