i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
