there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
