I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
