i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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