im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
