What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
false alarm. still invincible.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
