That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
