I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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