My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
