I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
