Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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