Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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