I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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