my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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