it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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