I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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