my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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