please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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