im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
