I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
