Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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