Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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