If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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