How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
