You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
