he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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