everyone is single if you try hard enough
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
