When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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