OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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