Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize