Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
