apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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