I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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