Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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