I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
