Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
True strength comes from lack of pants
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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