Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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