i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
