im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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