Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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