1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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