C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
