omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
