i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
