when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Houston, we have a blender
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
