Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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