I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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