I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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