Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
