Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
