there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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